CHILDREN DRIVE SLOWLY

We've all seen it... It's a wonderful yellow diamond bolted into a metal pole.  On it is written some wonderful language warning us of... something.  What exactly it is warning us OF is the question.


The sign reads:  CHILDREN DRIVE SLOWLY


When making street signs, how does CHILDREN DRIVE SLOWLY make sense? While passing the sign, all I think is that someone bothered to post a sign making a simple statement telling us that if children were to drive, they would drive at a slow pace. It is like posting a sign that says I ENJOY THE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM or BEAVERS BREATHE.  Besides, it is really more of an OPINION than a statement, and an opinion I would most likely disagree with.  I've known a couple children, and driving fast would be fun to many of them.  When did it become alright for our GOVERNMENT to post FALSE OPINIONS THAT ARE LABELED AS FACTS on issues in PUBLIC FORUMS FOR ALL TO SEE?!?  Oh, right... well... you know what I mean.


Thankfully, I now see some signs that someone attempted to make more concise in their meaning: 


CHILDREN, DRIVE SLOWLY.  


Now, almost as if to back up their previous "fact" stated in their last sign, they are commanding children to drive slowly. Consequently, anyone over the age of eighteen cruises right past these signs wondering why there aren't other signs that address specific demographic categories. For instance, why don't they have signs that say, "WOMEN, PLEASE MAKE BETTER DECISIONS," "YOUNG MEN, DRIVE SLOWER," or "OLD PEOPLE, LOOK WHILE BACKING UP."


Solution:CHILDREN PRESENT: DRIVE SLOWLY


side note...
"Why don't you just use an axe," I axed my friend quickly.

Now, is this poor grammar or a brilliant one-liner to end the life of an extraneous character in a Van Damme movie or something?