We all live in some form of fantasy world. What usually defines how sane a person is is how much they are able to limit the amount of fantasy that rules their life. Especially in the era in which we now live, seeing virtual reality become more real than somebody's actual life is not uncommon. People spend hours playing MMORPG games becoming more proud of the character that they create than the life that they live until they die from ridiculous bodily neglect, people find their spouses through an online match-maker, and even the most innocent of us spend hours upon hours of our lives hooked into something through the internet that has ABSOLUTELY no bearing on the life that we live away from the computer screen.
Fantasy baseball, however, is the absolute exception to any form of criticism. You are not allowed to throw fantasy baseball (or football) under the same bus that runs over online dating and dying from playing a computer game for 40 hours straight. Now, if you'd like to post a virtual criticism, that is fine, but then please simply pretend to type your comment and hit "post." Thank you for your virtual constructive feedback. It helped me in your dreams.
Fantasy baseball season is soon to begin. It is gloriously unpredictable and time-consuming. What could Americans love more?
I know you're wondering, so I'll tell you. I'm participating in two leagues this year. Yes, I will win both. Yes, I'm going to win money because of how great I am at predicting how great players are. I am not afraid of failure because failure, with my brilliant baseball mind, is not even conceivable. Besides, the wonderful thing about putting a lot of your self-worth in the virtual world is that if you fail miserably, you can just pretend that you actually won. So I can just go ahead and tell you right now: I won both my fantasy baseball leagues. No big deal... I'm pretty sweet.
Spring Training is almost at its end, so I thought I would compile a list of some people that are glad it is almost over and also probably wish they could retreat into the virtual world and create a slightly better version of themselves within some realm of fantasy. Here they are:
Nick Green, Baltimore 36 ABs 17 Ks .139 AVG 5 total hits... Woops-a-days. Not seein the ball too well, then? Better luck next year, Nick.
Our own Minnesota Twin Brian Dinkelman went an astounding 3 for 29 (.065) with 10 Ks... Don't think you're makin' the roster this year, Dinky.
Another stellar performance came from Keith Hill of the Chicago Cubs. He mashed throughout the entire Spring Training amassing one total hit in 29 ABs. That's right, he hit .034 while playing Catcher. This just proves that he was actually hired so that they middle infielders could work on their routine plays. He probably has the speed of a walrus.
However, nothing compares to our poor old friend Edgar Beltre who plays for the Texas Rangers. I don't think he is the player who will take them back to the WS this year... he went 0 for 17 with 5 Ks.
On the plus side, W Castillo went 12 for 19, D Sappelt went 22 for 39 with 3 bombs and M Maier went 19 for 37.
Well, until next time my virtual friends... Say, if you're my virtual friends, does that mean that if we were to meet in real life (shudder) that we would be enemies? In that case, I better start becoming enemies with all of the people that I love so that our fantasy friendship doesn't interfere with our real relationship.
If you read this I virtually despise you and fantastically loathe you but really like you.
Per
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