We've all seen it... It's a wonderful yellow diamond bolted into a metal pole. On it is written some wonderful language warning us of... something. What exactly it is warning us OF is the question.
The sign reads: CHILDREN DRIVE SLOWLY
When making street signs, how does CHILDREN DRIVE SLOWLY make sense? While passing the sign, all I think is that someone bothered to post a sign making a simple statement telling us that if children were to drive, they would drive at a slow pace. It is like posting a sign that says I ENJOY THE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM or BEAVERS BREATHE. Besides, it is really more of an OPINION than a statement, and an opinion I would most likely disagree with. I've known a couple children, and driving fast would be fun to many of them. When did it become alright for our GOVERNMENT to post FALSE OPINIONS THAT ARE LABELED AS FACTS on issues in PUBLIC FORUMS FOR ALL TO SEE?!? Oh, right... well... you know what I mean.
Thankfully, I now see some signs that someone attempted to make more concise in their meaning:
CHILDREN, DRIVE SLOWLY.
Now, almost as if to back up their previous "fact" stated in their last sign, they are commanding children to drive slowly. Consequently, anyone over the age of eighteen cruises right past these signs wondering why there aren't other signs that address specific demographic categories. For instance, why don't they have signs that say, "WOMEN, PLEASE MAKE BETTER DECISIONS," "YOUNG MEN, DRIVE SLOWER," or "OLD PEOPLE, LOOK WHILE BACKING UP."
Solution:CHILDREN PRESENT: DRIVE SLOWLY
side note...
"Why don't you just use an axe," I axed my friend quickly.
Now, is this poor grammar or a brilliant one-liner to end the life of an extraneous character in a Van Damme movie or something?
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Twins' Best Moves Ever
David Ortiz was released by the Minnesota Twins following the 2002 season.
Boston Red Sox picked him up. Here is his stat line since:
Year HR RBI BB AVG OBP
For the majority of that stretch, he was the most clutch player in baseball. He also won two World Championships. No big deal.
Johan Santana
The Twins traded the best pitcher in baseball for Carlos Gomez, Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra, and Kevin Mulvey (who?!?)
Out of those four, Carlos Gomez is the only one who really had ANY kind of impact and he is now a bench player for the Brewers as they continue their playoff run. For the Twins, he was a sparkplug and good defender, but he never was good enough to be a starter on a good team. Johan, on the other hand, is STILL one of the best pitchers in the game, but he just hasn't been healthy enough to perform. It just seems that we could've gotten ANYONE for Johan... and instead we got four guys who were completely unproven, and then they all proved that they were completely mediocre at best.
Jason Bartlett, Matt Garza:
We traded away Garza and Bartlett and got Brendan Harris and something named Delmon Young who was to serve as a "replacement" for Torri Hunter, who left us for the Angels. In the short term, Bartlett quickly turned into a stud for the Rays as did Garza. Garza was the workhorse for the Rays and Bartlett was voted team MVP as they made their run to the World Series. In the longterm, Bartlett has struggled recently but Garza pitched better than any starter on our staff this year.
Brendan Harris was serviceable at best. Delmon Young was Delmon Young. I'll cover him later.
J.J. Hardy
We let Hardy go and got excited about the next best Ichiro-wanna-be. The change in ORIENTation went swimmingly well-- the best thing Nishioka did for us in 2011 was to get injured so he wasn't on the field. Hardy, on the other hand, was shipped to the Orioles and had a career year. He hit .269 with 30 bombs and 80 RBI. WHAT?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?
Wilson Ramos
I will argue that this may be the worst trade that we have made. Wilson Ramos was a promising catching prospect with a big major-league potential. Impossibly, we had TWO catchers on our team who could hit the ball. In a league where you are lucky if your catcher can hit over .200, it looked like we had a future-hall-of-famer in Mauer and a good-to-great prospect in Ramos. He could hit for power and get on base consistently. Instead, we traded him away for Matt Capps who turned out to be serviceable for a couple months as our closer, and then a dreadful disease this season. Ramos, on the other hand, started all year for Washington and hit 15 bombs while batting .267. ARE YOU KIDDING?!? Drew Butera and something named Rene COMBINED to hit around .150, not to mention they could hit a HR with the wind blowing out 50 MPH at Yankee Stadium off AJ Burnett throwing MEAT BALLS!
With the huge question on the future of Mauer's and Morneau's career, wouldn't it be nice to have a reliable young catcher you could throw behind the plate? When Morneau throws in the towel, Mauer can transition to first base and Ramos can start catching. Easy.
We could have a stellar line-up... which brings me to my inspiration of this post:
Delmon Young
I don't understand you, Delmon. For a stretch of the 2010 season, it looked like you could win the MVP trophy. Then, this year, you start reverting to all of your bad habits and have a mediocre-at-best season with the Twins until you're traded to the Tigers. Leyland puts you at 3rd in the line-up, and your first swing of your Tiger career (against the Twins, mind you) is a homerun.
In 40 games as a Tiger, Young belted 8 HRs and 32 RBI which works out to 32 HRS and 130 RBI in a 162 game season...
ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DELMON?!?
In the opening round of the playoffs, against the Yankees, Young already has two HRs including the game-winner in game three.
What gets in to people when the leave this organization?
Our possible 2012 line-up
Denard Span, CF
Joe Mauer, C
Justin Morneau, 1B
David Ortiz, DH
Delmon Young, LF
Torri Hunter, RF
JJ Hardy, SS
Danny Velencia, 3B
Jason Bartlett, 2B
bench:
Ramos, C
Kubel/Cuddyer OF
Punto INF
Roatation:
Johan Santana
Matt Garza
Kyle Lohse (I didn't even mention him)
Fancisco Liriano
Scott Baker
Instead, we cannot say, with absolute certainty, that we know ANYONE who is starting next season.
Boston Red Sox picked him up. Here is his stat line since:
Year HR RBI BB AVG OBP
| 2003 | 27 | BOS | AL | 128 | 509 | 448 | 79 | 129 | 39 | 2 | 31 | 101 | 0 | 0 | 58 | 83 | .288 | .369 | .592 | .961 | 144 | 265 | 9 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 8 | D3 | MVP-5 |
| 2004 | 28 | BOS | AL | 150 | 669 | 582 | 94 | 175 | 47 | 3 | 41 | 139 | 0 | 0 | 75 | 133 | .301 | .380 | .603 | .983 | 145 | 351 | 12 | 4 | 0 | 8 | 8 | *D3 | AS,MVP-4,SS |
| 2005 | 29 | BOS | AL | 159 | 713 | 601 | 119 | 180 | 40 | 1 | 47 | 148 | 1 | 0 | 102 | 124 | .300 | .397 | .604 | 1.001 | 158 | 363 | 13 | 1 | 0 | 9 | 9 | *D3 | AS,MVP-2,SS |
| 2006 | 30 | BOS | AL | 151 | 686 | 558 | 115 | 160 | 29 | 2 | 54 | 137 | 1 | 0 | 119 | 117 | .287 | .413 | .636 | 1.049 | 161 | 355 | 12 | 4 | 0 | 5 | 23 | *D3 | AS,MVP-3,SS |
| 2007 | 31 | BOS | AL | 149 | 667 | 549 | 116 | 182 | 52 | 1 | 35 | 117 | 3 | 1 | 111 | 103 | .332 | .445 | .621 | 1.066 | 171 | 341 | 16 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 12 | *D/3 | AS,MVP-4,SS |
| 2008 | 32 | BOS | AL | 109 | 491 | 416 | 74 | 110 | 30 | 1 | 23 | 89 | 1 | 0 | 70 | 74 | .264 | .369 | .507 | .877 | 123 | 211 | 11 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 12 | D | AS |
| 2009 | 33 | BOS | AL | 150 | 627 | 541 | 77 | 129 | 35 | 1 | 28 | 99 | 0 | 2 | 74 | 134 | .238 | .332 | .462 | .794 | 101 | 250 | 9 | 5 | 0 | 7 | 5 | *D/3 | |
| 2010 | 34 | BOS | AL | 145 | 606 | 518 | 86 | 140 | 36 | 1 | 32 | 102 | 0 | 1 | 82 | 145 | .270 | .370 | .529 | .899 | 137 | 274 | 12 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 14 | *D/3 | AS |
| 2011 | 35 | BOS | AL | 146 | 605 | 525 | 84 | 162 | 40 | 1 | 29 | 96 | 1 | 1 | 78 | 83 | .309 | .398 | .554 | .953 | 154 | 291 | 24 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 12 | *D/3 | AS |
For the majority of that stretch, he was the most clutch player in baseball. He also won two World Championships. No big deal.
Johan Santana
The Twins traded the best pitcher in baseball for Carlos Gomez, Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra, and Kevin Mulvey (who?!?)
Out of those four, Carlos Gomez is the only one who really had ANY kind of impact and he is now a bench player for the Brewers as they continue their playoff run. For the Twins, he was a sparkplug and good defender, but he never was good enough to be a starter on a good team. Johan, on the other hand, is STILL one of the best pitchers in the game, but he just hasn't been healthy enough to perform. It just seems that we could've gotten ANYONE for Johan... and instead we got four guys who were completely unproven, and then they all proved that they were completely mediocre at best.
Jason Bartlett, Matt Garza:
We traded away Garza and Bartlett and got Brendan Harris and something named Delmon Young who was to serve as a "replacement" for Torri Hunter, who left us for the Angels. In the short term, Bartlett quickly turned into a stud for the Rays as did Garza. Garza was the workhorse for the Rays and Bartlett was voted team MVP as they made their run to the World Series. In the longterm, Bartlett has struggled recently but Garza pitched better than any starter on our staff this year.
Brendan Harris was serviceable at best. Delmon Young was Delmon Young. I'll cover him later.
J.J. Hardy
We let Hardy go and got excited about the next best Ichiro-wanna-be. The change in ORIENTation went swimmingly well-- the best thing Nishioka did for us in 2011 was to get injured so he wasn't on the field. Hardy, on the other hand, was shipped to the Orioles and had a career year. He hit .269 with 30 bombs and 80 RBI. WHAT?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?
Wilson Ramos
I will argue that this may be the worst trade that we have made. Wilson Ramos was a promising catching prospect with a big major-league potential. Impossibly, we had TWO catchers on our team who could hit the ball. In a league where you are lucky if your catcher can hit over .200, it looked like we had a future-hall-of-famer in Mauer and a good-to-great prospect in Ramos. He could hit for power and get on base consistently. Instead, we traded him away for Matt Capps who turned out to be serviceable for a couple months as our closer, and then a dreadful disease this season. Ramos, on the other hand, started all year for Washington and hit 15 bombs while batting .267. ARE YOU KIDDING?!? Drew Butera and something named Rene COMBINED to hit around .150, not to mention they could hit a HR with the wind blowing out 50 MPH at Yankee Stadium off AJ Burnett throwing MEAT BALLS!
With the huge question on the future of Mauer's and Morneau's career, wouldn't it be nice to have a reliable young catcher you could throw behind the plate? When Morneau throws in the towel, Mauer can transition to first base and Ramos can start catching. Easy.
We could have a stellar line-up... which brings me to my inspiration of this post:
Delmon Young
I don't understand you, Delmon. For a stretch of the 2010 season, it looked like you could win the MVP trophy. Then, this year, you start reverting to all of your bad habits and have a mediocre-at-best season with the Twins until you're traded to the Tigers. Leyland puts you at 3rd in the line-up, and your first swing of your Tiger career (against the Twins, mind you) is a homerun.
In 40 games as a Tiger, Young belted 8 HRs and 32 RBI which works out to 32 HRS and 130 RBI in a 162 game season...
ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DELMON?!?
In the opening round of the playoffs, against the Yankees, Young already has two HRs including the game-winner in game three.
What gets in to people when the leave this organization?
Our possible 2012 line-up
Denard Span, CF
Joe Mauer, C
Justin Morneau, 1B
David Ortiz, DH
Delmon Young, LF
Torri Hunter, RF
JJ Hardy, SS
Danny Velencia, 3B
Jason Bartlett, 2B
bench:
Ramos, C
Kubel/Cuddyer OF
Punto INF
Roatation:
Johan Santana
Matt Garza
Kyle Lohse (I didn't even mention him)
Fancisco Liriano
Scott Baker
Instead, we cannot say, with absolute certainty, that we know ANYONE who is starting next season.
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